Ode To Karma: A Tale of Two Strippers
I walked into the locker room of our strip club the other night, only to be confronted by a platinum blonde in a string bikini and stilettos. She approaches with a stern look on her face, points her finger and threatens, “You better start writing some blogs, bitch, or I’m taking you off my favorite pages”. I burst out laughing. So here you go, Karma. A blog post, ode to you.
Let me tell you about two strippers that instantly bring a smile to my face when I see them: Karma and Sensation. Karma and Sensation are best friends. They are the reason I smile at work.
Karma is the most lovable slut I’ve ever met. She’s a stripper poacher. She likes to get her box munched by any and every stripper she can. She’s been with more strippers than Tiger Woods. (I keep trying to get our DJ to announce this when she goes on stage, but I haven’t been successful…. yet). When Karma is around, everything becomes a sexual innuendo. She’s the type of girl that slaps her leg up on the bar and complains to the bouncer that nobody wants to pay to see her meat hole. Yep – on a slow night when nobody was buying dances, I witnessed this incident. One time, I had the pleasure of witnessing Karma go up to a gentleman and ask for a dance. She used what I like to call her “Barry White voice”. As she leaned down into this gentleman’s ear, her voice changed about three octaves lower as she sensually asked “hi honey, would you like a dance?”. Another thing about Karma that never fails to bring a smile to my face is how she calls every customer she encounters “gorgeous”. Fat, ugly, smelly, hairy, etc., nobody is exempt from being “gorgeous” in her eyes. Her humor in vulgarity is absolutely priceless in my eyes.
Sensation is my little bad bitch. At one time, Sensation had a court appointed ankle bracelet, on each ankle. To be honest, I actually thought they were cute on her skinny little frame. Little girl, big ankle bracelets. I loved to stuff dollars in them when she was on stage. One time, I witnessed Sensation do something that made me want to grab her by both cheeks and kiss her on the lips. Some douchebag lost his ID in the club and Sensation found it. She went up to him and told him she’d give it back for $20. She said it in a way that was playful and cute, but he reacted like a fucking dick. He started accusing her of stealing and said there was no way in hell he was paying her. She would have given it back for nothing, had he been polite. She wanted to make him sweat a bit now though. He was nearly in tears when he started threatening to get her fired for stealing. So what does Sensation do? She stands up, looks this toolbox in the eyes and says, “you want your ID, little bitch? Go fetch!” Then she threw his ID into the busiest part of the crowd, requiring him to get on his hands and knees, under the feet of many men, to find it. It was one of those moments that if every stripper saw what happened, a gradual clapping would ensue. Right then and there.
I don’t know what I would do at the strip club without these two girls. I adore Karma and Sensation. They never fails to bring a smile to my mug. I know it isn’t just me who feels this way either. They bring a smile to everyone’s face there. Their positive energy and humor bring something beautiful to what can be an ugly world.
